32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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