the condom got lost in my hair
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
