My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
