She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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