I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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