I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
