I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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