please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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