i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
