you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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