pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
