Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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