We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
