i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
