i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize