Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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