The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
