Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
