Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
