I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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