U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
