I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
