Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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