I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
