Banned from zoo.
Again?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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