he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
