I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
