I bet he comes in French.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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