You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
