Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
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Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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