and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
