I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What a dumb baby whore.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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