I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize