A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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