Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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