and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
