I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
