im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
