My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
