I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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