I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im calling her cock vulture from now on
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
