Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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