Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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