Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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