A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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