So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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