Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
