Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
