just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
