I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
