i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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