Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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