We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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