Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The Olympian is in my bed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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