eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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