Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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