fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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