i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
