I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
