Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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