maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize