i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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