Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
