i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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