Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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