He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
People in love make me want to vomit
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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