her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
