Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
