Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
