I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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