i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We need to get me chipped asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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