Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
