You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
