my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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