It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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