found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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