So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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